Nadhirah

Under the sun

2010-12-09T16:55:00.002+08:00

I should probably move to tumblr. But i like it here.
So i've been thinking, about life and everything. Truthfully, i love my life right now. I am where i'm supposed to be and i won't have it any other way. I like how i am, i like that I'm back to my old self. I'm just happy.
Really, its all thanks to my friends who remind me everyday that i'm really better off. And seeing how i am now, i really am better off. I get to do pretty much whatever i want, meet new people, random outings with random people.
I can't be any happier.
Last of all, i have the bestest best friend who's more like a sister whom i wouldn't know what to do without.
I love you Nur Afiqah binte Kamsani.

Mind surfing.

2010-11-28T16:40:00.003+08:00

A lot has changed since my last post.
There are a few kinds of people i pity, the real poor ones, the disabled, the unlucky ones and the ones who has a choice but chose to suffer. And i promised myself to never let myself be suffering because of the choice i made.
I do have a choice, so why does it feel like i don't?
I look back figuring out where i could have gone wrong. This wasn't how i thought things would turn out to be.
But if we could give it another go... It'll be different.

Approaching

2010-10-05T13:53:00.002+08:00

I haven't been completely honest. And i pride myself on how honest i am. But i guess there's just some thing some people should never know about.
Anyway, the last few days has been like a survival test for me and surprisingly i survived. The secret is to not think of it. Like everytime you feel like you're about to think about it you just dont. It helps if theres a super hot guy to think about/fantasize.
My uncle has been coming over everyday in the morning bringing food that would in fact make me fat. Or fatter than i am now.
Today he brought donuts. There goes my diet plan.
Not that i have a diet plan. My diet plans usually dont include exercising because i dont want to sweat. So i just starve myself.
I realise how open ive been about my feelings compared to like 2 years ago. I dont like talking about my feelings and ever since... Its all i talk about here.
Okay bye

Cracks in our foundation

2010-09-23T00:51:00.002+08:00

We often forget how good the world has been to us. We're wrong about the world being unfair and whatever bad happens, somehow somewhere, someone is going to come along and make it worthwhile for us again.
Its all about balance.
If you want to survive in this world, balance is all you need.

Pour them

2010-09-01T03:20:00.002+08:00

My diary got lost somewhere in the many boxes that i have to get shipped over to the new house. And i need to let it all out and this is the only place i could. Since its already dead anyway, i can prolly write anything i want. Maybe not in detail but at least in my mind it is.
So my hamster got a little bigger since he bought it for me. I think i feed him too much, i mean i rather have a fat hamster that a skinny bones gray hamster.
Actually its no use. Cause i really need to like write everything down but i cant cause im thinking about the people who might or might not read this blog. I NEED MY DIARY!
Oh i need a new diary. My current one is running out of pages and my brain is overloading with things no one else should know but me and maybe this other certain someone who likes to secretly take it when he's over.
Anyway, im just hoping that i'll have a good dream tonight. Maybe something kinky. Which i dont usually dream about... Not saying that i do...
BYE

Security Issues

2010-08-30T20:25:00.002+08:00

I'm a very paranoid person. My thoughts, they wonder to the unknown and it bothers me. Sometimes im just afraid it might actually happen. So really, I'm afraid of myself. And i dont want to be anymore. I only hope that he is going to help me.

Thats all it takes

2010-08-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

All it took was for me to be alone.
Today, i just thought i needed some time for myself. And it really did help. I always thought i hated being alone. But thinking about it, i'm alone most of the time. In my mind i am. So really, it isnt that bad if you actually think about it.
I'm tired actually. I doing this post just so i can practice on my english. HAHAHA. OKAY BYE

Its just me, me and only me.

2010-08-15T17:30:00.002+08:00

I've spent too much time obsessing over you and i'm tired. I'm tired of trying to save us over and over again. This is me giving up because i dont have the strength anymore to hold the cracks.
I know i'm more but i'm not anymore and i'll bet you'll just right into the sack.

Go for the gold

2010-08-08T16:05:00.002+08:00

I'm afraid its less. Now, more than ever. What am i supposed to do?

You me. You and me, We're all i need.

2010-07-22T00:24:00.002+08:00

I've come to realization, how my life has spiraled into this unknowingly, inconsistent however straight line. I see now that i have only been afraid. It's okay to feel incredibly happy for once. And i'm too afraid to be feeling that because then i'll be punished. I'll be punished because i dont deserve this happiness. I really don't. But for once, i want to let go. Just imagine myself on endless green pastures. Lying down on the grass, looking up into the blue sky without having the sun to blind you. Rolling on the ground and find yourself laughing. You sit up and you see flowers, they happen to be your favourite, sunflowers. You run into them and find that the flowers are so big and they're almost the same height as you and you pluck one and smell the joy, you could not have been more happier.
Sometimes i find myself staring at a distance, daydreaming about my simple joys.
The other day i was lying in bed, i was crying, because i never realised how much this person meant to me.
So to my 2 dearest people in the whole wide world, you make everyday bearable for me. And I love you so much.

Bothered

2010-07-14T23:22:00.002+08:00

I've sat here for 10 minutes, writing, backspacing then writing again. Frankly, i don't know what to say.
So let me be honest for once.
The compromises i make, the sacrifices, does not equal to yours. The things i do for you, materialistic or not, does not equal to yours. The time i put in to make this work, to make you happy, does not equal to yours.
So tell me now. Are we equal?
Do i deserve you, or do you deserve me?
I'm not happy, i'm not even contented.
So tell me now. Has it been worth it?
I'm done trying. I'm done crying.
I'm done.

When theres nothing to do,

2010-06-23T22:07:00.003+08:00

Wishful thinking

2010-06-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

So i havent been updating my blog. I dont really have the time plus i dnt really want my life out in the open right now.
Anyway, last weekend was probably the worst weekend i ever had. Everything kinda backfired.
I miss the times when i sat in bed alone, not sad about anything, not happy about anything either. Most nights were empty but the next morning would be another day, another opportunity.
And i'm gonna take a shit.
Anyway, on with my emotional rants. My complains about how unfair this r and s is.
So i guess... in the end, all we have to do is try. Try your best, if he's not giving up then you shouldnt too. Because the next guy that comes along, i promise you, he will give up.

Gumption

2010-06-10T15:50:00.002+08:00

I realise that my feelings are not constant. They vary depending on actions. But i know they're can never be completely gone. So... I am very much regretful of the things that may have slipped out my mouth. And i wish i could take them all back.

Ignorance

2010-05-31T22:32:00.002+08:00

I should have known what was best for me. I was so blinded by this whole fantasy, i stopped using my eyes. I forget the facts.
I guess deep down inside i was waiting. I knew it was coming, i ignored the signs, let myself enter this imagination of what could have been.
It is all but just an imagination, temporary. So why am i wasting my time?
I can't deny that i was happy, but why stay when its almost all gone.

Grow up

2010-05-27T23:27:00.002+08:00

So i realised something, that i'm pretty much over protective. Of myself mostly. But is it my fault? I mean. I've gone through the same thing way too many times to let myself fall down and have myself pick me up again.

But maybe for you i'm willing to take the risk though i know it might be the hardest.

The best thing is, i still look at you and feel the same way i did, oh so many months ago.

I'm not the kind who writes down my feelings. This is pretty amazing, even to me.

I'm just updating my blog because i dnt really have anything else to do. So... here.

Anyway, its kinda sad to see that i have only 1 post every month. I have been busy.

This weekend, i'm jammed packed. I got to do some stupid scrapbook plus i've got to finish up my sketchbooks since everythings gonna be submitted by the end of this semester.

I need a fucking new laptop. I feel guilty asking my parents but i dnt knw where to get that kind of money.

I'm kinda really tired right now. I'd like to wake him up and ask him to go home but i just can't you know. He's tired. I'll wake him up later.

Decisions are sometimes hard, but necessary.

2010-05-25T22:54:00.002+08:00

So, i've been thinking lately. About me. And others have told me too. Telling me, i can't always be at a halt.

I've decided that perhaps, being alone might not be that bad. I've survived for the past 2 years and i should be able to survive for the next few years.

Yet again, chances are to be given and reality is i'm not 16. I am still young, i'm still 18, perhaps a little more matured? So should i not think this through thoroughly? No one is perfect but still, can't i have better? I am only 18. Is it wrong for me to think that way? Maybe i'm not that pretty. Maybe, i dnt have that stunning body, but i am young. And i havent live long enough to see the fishes in this weirdly enormous ocean.

Though tomorrow might be my last day, at least i know i've tried my best. Perhaps, i should have put in my time and effort in something more guaranteed. But i am about taking risks.

Don't take this personally.

They are... Just... My thoughts.

Life in the unfab lane.

2010-05-17T23:42:00.002+08:00

So i havent had much time to update my blog. My blog is pretty much dead. I dnt even think anyone still comes here... So... I dont really know why its still here.

Anyway, I really just wanted to let things out.

I'm having my period, so i'm a little cranky, a little too sensitive and maybe a little too touchy. But i'm really cranky, and i just want to let it out on someone. But i'm really controlling myself and its really exhausting constantly feeling this way. Seriously.

Plus being in design course isn't really a walk in the park. I'm having projects every week. Its tiresome and my back hurts.

Sometimes, he doesn't understand ya knw. Like he just doesnt understand. Its hard to explain. I just feel like shit. It might be my period. But still.

We are young

2010-05-02T20:06:00.003+08:00

So i got into SP like last last week. My first day was on a thursday. What kind of person starts school on a thursday. Anyway, my classmates theyre okay. But theyre forcing me to like study and everything since theyre no fun at all. I mean, when i went into design school, i had this perception that design students are like havoc people you know. Imagine my disappointment.

Anyway, assignments and projects are piling up and i have to put in my 100% effort since every assignment is like an exam since we dnt have actual exams.

But its fun. Everyday is an art lesson.

Okay im too busy bye.

It wasn't supposed to turn out this way

2010-04-16T11:20:00.002+08:00

So i havent updated in forever.
Came back from Bali last friday. And i will never get tired of saying how fun bali was. Its a whole different society there, one that has been misunderstood. The people there are great and you think that going out at night is dangerous but really, its as dangerous as Singapore. Except maybe they're target you since you're tourist but usually they'll go for the angmohs.

Anyway, havent been working much the past few days. I think i got too used to life in bali.

Right now, i should be worrying about my portfolio which is not progressing at all. Maybe i have 1 or 2 pieces, the most 2 pieces of art work. But i've got 8 more to go and i dnt have alot of time. Looks like i have to cut down on work, cut down on going out.

This is stressful. And looking at everyone else going to school especially those in SP... Its depressing the shit out of me.
These days, i have a lot to be depressed about. And quite frankly, i don't think anyone really understands.

It's friday and i feel like having some fun.

Alone at 12

2010-03-21T00:04:00.002+08:00

So since my little sister's laptop is on right now, i shall update my long dead blog.
So i went out with my dear dear afiqah, who i have not seen for like a week now. it may seem short for some but it feels real long for me. We caught the movie remember me which was the worst movie ever i must add. The ending was shit and i am unhappy.

Oh, i got rejected by SP by the way, hopefully my appeal letter will shock and awe them and they'll be forced to take me because of my pitifulness.

I applied for a few private school as well. They're kind of my plan B. I'm supposed to do a portfolio to get into La Salle and take a test to get into nafa. I have never felt so unwanted in my entire life.

Right now, i'm tired and emotional for a lot of reasons. I'm stressed and undecided. I feel like shit. The movie i watched just now didnt make me feel any better. I should have caught a comedy instead of a depressing movie.
I'm waiting for something and that something surely is taking its time. I should go wash up and get some rest maybe star planning my portfolio. Lets not waste any more time.

OH BALI IS IN 2 WEEKS PEOPLE AND I-AM-EXCITED. All you losers would be in singapore and i'll be surfing the waves of bali... or not. Maybe i'll just watch. I dnt like slimy wet things that are in the ocean, like fishes and SHARKS. You knw SHARKS. SHARKS like in jaws which eat people or bite off parts of their body. So i'll just stay where its safe.
I'm a pussy, whatever.

Neglect

2010-02-28T18:11:00.004+08:00

Its been a hundred years since i updated my blog.
Firstly, its because SOMEBODY took my laptop and failed to give it back to me till 1 week later. So here i am so many weeks later, updating my-almost-dead blog. I shall revive it with pictures and my unlaziness if there is such a thing.
I actually thought of deleting my blog but maybe not. There are pictures here that arent in my lappy anymore.
So i've been working so much that i'm exhausted like literally falling sick because of it. I had nose bleeds, coughs, flu and fevers. It has been the worst health week of my life and ive never felt this exhausted before. Even zara wasnt this tiring.
Maybe its because when i worked at zara, all i did was eat sleep and work.
I have different commitments now and it is exhausting i tell you.
Oh today is 28 and its kinda a special day. But i'm shy ya know. Soo... whatever. Hahaha.
I have a ton of pictures i want to upload but i dont knw where to start. You see, when i said a ton of pictures i literally meant a ton.
I'm kinda really bored right now.
Maybe more some other time. The wait is killing me.

Saturday afternoon

2010-02-06T16:05:00.002+08:00

Its a saturday and i'm at home watching ghost rider on AXN. Nicholas cage is kinda very hot, except for the face. He's got a good body.

I still dont have my lappy. I really miss me lappy, Its been almost a week since ive seen it. And my father's lappy is soo useless. The screen screw is loose so when i move the laptop the screen falls backwards.

Watching nicholas cage on ghost rider is turning me on.

I dont really want to update my blog right now. Bye

The blackest lily

2010-01-27T00:52:00.002+08:00

I want to upload the pictures. I really do, but i'm really lazy. So maybe some other day.

I'm actually excited for school to start...again. I'm just real anxious right now to know what course i got in. Supposedly, i'm getting the results today. I havent checked, so i'm gonna check now.

Okay my results are in april. What the fuck. I dnt think i can tahan the anxiety. I'm going to have panic attacks.

Fuckkkkkkkkkk, i want to cry. :((

Hip Hip

2010-01-23T14:45:00.002+08:00

I just read afiqah's blog and it depressed the shit out of me. Hahahaha.

A lot happened during the past week. Actually a lot happened last weekend. Which was the birthday chalet. Tiring i tell you. I didnt sleep till 6+ in the morning and woke up at 8. When i got home i had a massive headache, so i slept for 3 hours and went out again to watch Its complicated.
Whichhhhhh, was a great movie. Its so witty and funny.
My taste in movies are becoming similar to a 40 year old woman.
I watched legion last night. You don't know how scared i was. And it wasn't even that scary.
But watching that show got me thinking about the end of days. How i haven't done anything to better myself. And how i have only done things to make my place in hell permanent.
And what scares me the most, there are some things ive done that i don't feel regret for.
I'm uploading the chalet pictures into acap's facebook. Cause my facebook is wayyyyy too dangerous. Hahahaha.

Corinne bailey rae released a new album which i fell in love with. Especially this song called i'll do it all again. Take some time listen, will ya?

Happy birthday Acap!

2010-01-16T00:11:00.003+08:00

First of all, happy birthday acap. I'm a very shy person. So the mushy things i shall do it privately. Here, it'll just be happy birthday. Hahahhaha.
Anyway, i'll just keep it short. Cause even while typing all this i'm feeling real shy. Hahaha.
Okay. Thats it, i shall not go on any further.

I love you. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhee.

the colour blue

2010-01-08T20:57:00.005+08:00

I know i said i'd post the pictures yesterday, but i ended up going out a little earlier than expected. So, i shall post up some pictures today, now.
Anyway, i met andreyana and didie today. It was so good to see them since i havent met them in a long time. Looks like huda's the only one i havent met. Hopefully we'll meet soon.
The weather today is 10degrees i'm sure. The fan is not switched on neither is the air con nor is the window open but i'm shivering. Maybe i'm sick but i dnt feel sick. Maybe my skin is geting thinner. Its a possiblity.
Okay i'm kinda exhausted right now. So i'm going to wrap this up.

reminiscence

2010-01-07T12:57:00.002+08:00

I never realize my computer held so much memories for me. Hahaha, since getting back my lappy, i feel alive again....not.
I havent been updating my blog due to commitments to work and among other things but i am here now on my off day keeping my online life aliveeee.
I've got alot to write about actually.
Like the other time i went to ubin to cycle which i totally regret cause of how exhausted i was when i got home. Plus i had a ton of mosquito bites which remained itchy till the next day when i had work. I was serving customers, scratching my legs, taking orders all the the same time. Very unglam i tell you.
I have too many photos to upload and shall upload it later slowly since ive got the whole afternoon.
I miss afiqah and the girls. Its been such a long time since ive last met them.
It has been pretty hectic lately. Adult fare really is burning a hole in my pocket. I miss those times when i had to top up 5 bucks and it could last me a week.
Its 2010 and it just hit me that im turning 18 this year. So old, so fast.
Okay i shall go bath and play my dear lappy for a bit and i'll upload the photosssss.

complications

2009-12-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

I'm fucking irritated right now with the pop ups ive been getting. Apparently my brother used my laptop, played some kiddy games, downloaded some shit and now i believe my computer is infected with spyware.
My workplace actually organized a christmas party which is tomorrow and i'm supposed to buy a present for a guy. I dont fucking have the time and money BUTTTT i'm getting my pay tomorrow! Yay! It fucking better be 300 cause i'm very upset with the last pay. Very very upset i tell you.
Something haunts me, i think about now and then. When i do, it disturbs me like hell and i feel like doing things i shouldn't even be thinking about. Interesting right, wanna know what i'm talking about right. Hahaha, sorry, not telling anyone.
Oh, and i've applied for DAE so hopefully i'll get accepted and go back to school. This has become my resolution for the coming new year. Followed by quit smoking, 4.0 GPA. Sounds familiar right. Its the exact same resolutions as last year, due to the circumstances. I hope i dont screw up this year. Everyone else is going to be year 2 and i'm year 1 all over again. I'm not sad right now, but when i actually go up to year 2 and everyone else is year 3 and finishing school, i'll feel it then.
Tomorrow is my off day. Every off day i have i make it a point to do my nails although i'll have to remove it when work starts but i like to see my nails all pretty once in a while.
I've been real tired lately. I want to spend a whole day sleeping. One of these off days i shall do that and be rejuvenated.
My mother is tempting me to be fat with her very nice smelling i-dnt-actually-know-what-she's-cooking food.
Bye~

Ecstatic

2009-12-21T23:42:00.002+08:00

I dnt have time to update my blog nowadays.
This week i'm going all out. I'm gonna work like crazy and make sure my pay wont be like the last pay i had which was just 200. Which by the way, isn't enough seeing how i spend. Especially now that smoke more than usual. A box can usually last 4-5 days. Now it lasts for 3 days. And it can barely survive.
During breaks i dnt really eat cause there isnt enough time so i smoke. So my meals are replaced by packs and packs of ciggies. I really do have to cut down.
I watching letterman interview jude law and i'm so turned on.
I'm kinda really tired right now. So i'm just gonna go sleep maybe.
Someone is supposed to call me but hasnt. Reckon he's fallen asleep.
Anyway, night nights. Keeping this shit aliveeeeeeee.

Afraid

2009-12-12T21:36:00.006+08:00

So, i havent been spending much time on the computer. I'm either working or going out. Its been pretty hectic lately but all is well.
I have a habit of updating every saturday, so fans, saturday shall be the day you look forward to. Unless i'm going out on saturday which would highly be unlikely cause everyone else is busy with either school or work or some other shit. And every week i make it a point to take my saturday off.
I cant bare to work on a saturday even though i wont have anything to do.

So i went cycling yesterday. I didnt perspire as much as i thought i would. It was soooo windy and it was such a nice weather except the person on the front seat of my couple bike was a very dangerous rider.
But i had fun anyway, like i always do. :)

I shall post up pictures today because i have nothing else to do.

disbelief

2009-12-05T15:43:00.002+08:00

I just read some mat's blog and it disgusted the shit out of me.
So, my blog is dying, so is my tagboard. It died quite some time ago. I dnt know why i'm so lazy to even reply tags. Maybe i should remove it. The tagboard has lost its purpose. Its pretty much wasting space right now.

My little sister is back from japan. I dnt usually miss my siblings cause i rather not have them at home cause they're a real nuisance but i actually miss my sister. Sleeping alone in a room can be quite scary.
I worked for 10 hrs yesterday. I've been complaining alot about it but it really really was tiring and i'm going to promise myself to never do anything like that ever again. 10 hrs is wayyyy to long. Not to mention it was effing busy yesterday. There were a group of 21 people who came into the shop.
I was the host for that day so whoever came in i was supposed to show them to their seat. So when i asked them table for how many people and they said 21, i repeated "huh? 21" like a few times.

So anyway, i got pictures to post up at facebook and here too since its starting to become pictureless.
I went to botanics on thursday. And watched couples retreat which was soooo very funnyyyyy. Everyone should watch, everyone who is 16. Hahaha, although i regret watching ninja assasin cause it was so violent.
Toodle doo!

Exhausteddddd

2009-11-28T14:28:00.002+08:00

So the weekends are here again. I got my pay again this week which makes me superr happy cause i just finished my last pay.
I haven't been spending much time at home and in my bed. I think i should cut down on the going out. Today shall be the last time. Hahahaha, maybe not. But maybe not as often as what i've been doing.
So on wednesday, I spend the night at someone else's house and on thursday i caught new moon which we all have been faked, its already out in cinemas although they said it's coming out on 3 dec. And last night i wasn't at home again and spent the night somewhere else other than my house. So its been 3 days since i actually spent an entire day at home which i don't really want to cause my mother, i believe, might be going through menopause and has become very moody and naggy. I came home a few hours ago and got an earful.
I'm actually much too tired to be doing anything.
So byeee.

Oh weekend, thank goodness,

2009-11-20T21:02:00.003+08:00

So i was trying to recall if i had pictures to post up and i do. But i'm too tired. Maybe tomorrow, or later.
Today, have been pretty productive, although i woke up late for work. I was supposed to be there at 10.30 but i reached there at 10.45? 15 mins, it wont kill anyone. I worked for more than 8 hours, i swept the floor of my house, i cleaned up my very messy desk and i'm going to fold the clothes in my very messy dresser. You see, they used to be folded, until i went to town and work and messed it up.
By the way, i love 99.5fm(lush). They play my kind of songs and the advertisments are super short unlike 98.7 and other crappy radio stations.
I'm very hungry. The last time i ate was at 2 plus? Its 9 plus now and im very very hungry.
Okay bye.

it would be, then.

2009-11-16T13:39:00.002+08:00

Since i have some free time to spend, i shall update my blog.
So the other day i hanged out with acap, wandi and oyan at this pretty place. I don't know this people very well except for acap, but i really did have fun. I guess was wrong to think that i can't have a good time with people i dont know. Anyway, got home at arnd 4. The next morning i woke up and my mother refused to talk to me. -___- They're really forgetting how old i am. They want me back by 10 or 11 when they know i'll never abide. If they tell me 12, its more reasonable but 10? Really, all i can do is suck cock.

I need to take a ciggy break.

I dyed my hair again. But there's no difference, so we'll just take it as i didnt do anything to my hair.
I GOT MY PAY, YAY. I want to go shopping.

I havent seen superman for like a week. But i'm working tomorrow which meansssss, i get to see him. Yay.

Whatever you know, do whatever you want, i don't really care. Hahaha, its very sudden but i just feel like saying this right now.

Handicapped

2009-11-12T01:22:00.005+08:00

So this past few days ive been going out alot. But the next few days, wont be as happening, i reckon.
So i went for an interview for a company called FJ benjamin which ive gone before last year but didnt get, so i expect i wont be getting a job with them this year either.
So the most interesting would be yesterday when i went to sentosa to ride the luge and skyride which was thrilling. Really. Especially the luge. But it was kinda short so the feeling of thrillness was short also. Hahaha.
After that we just hanged out somewhere enjoying the sea breeze and all. So when getting off the big rock that i was sitting on, in the dark i mind you, i actually landed on my ankle kinda twisted it and bend it the way it shouldnt be bend and now its swollen as big as 2 apples.
I can barely walk and i cant work. AND tomorrow is thursday. I have really been looking forward to thursday. Now i can't meet superman. No work, no superman.
Anyway, im exhausted from walking around cause apparently it takes more energy to walk with one leg. And i feel kinda high from medication. Hahaha.
The pictures are kinda messy. I dont bother to arrange them in correct order.

Oh myy.

2009-11-05T21:30:00.010+08:00

So work hasnt been as torturous as it was especially on tuesdays and thursdays. Since i've met superman. Hahaha.

So i was working just now, my manager was outside sitting just relaxing since it was her break. It was around 6 plus. But it was dark already since it was superr cloudy and superrrr rainy today. Anyway, one of my colleagues went out to talk to my manager. Here's what she said.
Colleague: Fiza!(my manager's name) Sini nak masok da maghrib!
Me: Ko kenape konek sgnt?
Colleague: Eh engkau, anak aku kat luar time maghrib nanti hantu tetek datang mcm mane siak.
Me: Hahaha, sial la ko yenny.
Colleague: Ko ah, CCB btol.

-__________-. A few days ago, she dance around the sofa singing, i'm too sexy for my love.
And a few days back she made the stupidest joke.
So theres this coffee we call it CCB for short.
Manager: Blah blah blah, eh my coffee, CCB.
My colleague takes the coffee and put it on the tray.
Colleague: Eh2 si die ni, maki org jer.
HAHAHA, i laughed so hard, and continued till i finished work.

Enough with my work, i have some pictures to upload. Oh and i went out with my dear dear classmates whom i miss so much, although shannon wasnt there, but i got to meet the rest. =DD

The pills

2009-11-01T02:37:00.002+08:00

So my weekend was tiringgg. Like seriously. It was exhausting. BUT i brought out my camera which meanssssss, i have pictures! YAY! -__-

So friday i had work which was from 12-8, in other words, work like dog. So when i got off work went off to meet acap and some of his friends to watch a movie. We ended up watching My sister's keeper which ive already watched which also means ive already watch it twice. So i watched 500 days of summer twice and My sister's keeper twice which makes me a movie freak.

Watching it the second time didnt make me cry though. But the first time i watched it i cried like someone died. Someone did die. The girl in the movie... It was very sad still.

I came home at 5am drenched wet because of the rain. Running in the rain felt like cycling uphill. Like a veryyy steep hill. Exhaustingg like fuck.

The next day, which is today, i went out again and watched a movie, this time with nisa, again. We watched spread, this R21 movie. Hahaha, its amazing i can get away with alot of things. The movie was sickkkk. I mean its like watching porno. But watching Ashton Kutcher naked isnt so bad so i guess it was enjoyable. Hahaha. BUT i have to emphasize how effing hot he is. Like really. I can get multiple orgasms just looking at him. Okay... maybe a little too much but theres not other ways of explaining his hotness.

I dont ever talk about my feelings. But i feel happy. More like contented actually. Been doing alot of things by myseld has got me thinking about alot of things and i'm pretty happy. Not unbelievably happy like i'm ready to die happy but just happy ya know. On some days, it can be quite hard but everyone goes through them right.

Anyway, i'll post up pictures in the next post. it wayyy too late and i'm sleepy. And ive got work tomorrow.

Working Girl

2009-10-25T22:57:00.002+08:00

So i have officially withdrawn from school. Its not my proudest moment but what to do ya know.
I havent been updating much lately. Partly cause i'm real busy and partly cause i'm lazy.
Anyways, there nothing real interesting to blog about.

So i was looking through some poly websites found out that i have to register through DAE. I have to actually go directly to the school and apply for a place in whatever course. Its troublesome but i'd do anything to go back to school.

So i'm not currently looking for a full time job, so hopefully i'll get some really good paying job.

Good luck to whoever is taking O level english paper tomorrow.
I dont actually have anything to blog about so... Byeee.

Dash across me

2009-10-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

Since i'm a real good friend and since i really dont want my friend to be dressing inappropriately, i'm updating my blog. I dont really have anything to update about but, for the sake of my dear-want-to-be-naked-friend, i will come out with shit.

So i went to school today to get my withdrawal finalised and stuff. But i have to meet with the director and stuff bring my parents give a damn good reason why i want to quit. I dont fucking understand. Its not like they have the power to go against my will, so why dont they just fucking sign the paper and get it over with. And it'll be stupid if they think they can change my mind. I mean if i didnt actually want this i wouldn't have done it right. Goddddddd. Why can't quitting school be easy like in the old days. You just tell the office you're quitting sign the papers get your parents to sign the papers and done. Since when did the process of quitting school required an interview. Its not a fucking job.

I really seem determined to quit school but really its pretty heartbreaking. Walking through the corridors and passing my old classes, i actually miss waking up early.
But that feeling last for a while. When it comes to the morning itself, quitting school seems like a real good idea.

I really miss my classmates. I miss shannon, i miss yunwei, i miss juany, i miss nasuha. I actually miss the crazy boys in my class.
But fuck i rather die than stay in this course for the next 2 years.
My blog is in need of pictures. I should go out and bring my camera one of these days.

As of late

2009-10-12T20:09:00.008+08:00

Someone told me, my blog needs pictures. So im going to post up dued pictures, even though im superrrr tired from working.
And oh, hot hot guys are working at my place. Makes my working experience more exciting and mouth watering. Not as in the food.
So these are pictures from last monday, or wednesday, im not sure. And marcus birthday.
Fuck, im really tired.
So i've been thinking. Since im going to quit school, i should get a better job. Like 1K per month kind of better job. Maybe i'll go back to zara.
I went to work with colourful nails and they've been chipping off. Which might end up in the food i serve. But i don't think acetone can kill. I'm kinda sleepy, and still contemplating whether i want to upload photos, but i am. I should.

Honestly

2009-10-08T22:25:00.002+08:00

To be really honest right now, I still feel like shit. And going out today did help... Like a bit.
And my clothes are disappearing, I would wear them and put it in the dirty laundry basket and they'll neverrrrrrr come back. Like seriously, i'll never find them. Like this blue skirt i have, i dnt know where it is and ive been looking for it for like a few months now.
PLUS, i lost my other TCC uniform, so now i only have one which is kinda disgusting cause there like chocalate marks on it cause i'm kinda clumsy and also my shirt's kinda thirsty and drinks will always somehow end up on my uniform.
I poured iced mocha on some guy's jeans the other day, he wasnt very happy.
My sister's being fucking irritating like webcaming and making so much noise. FUCK LAH, making me more fucking depressed.
I dont know... I'm feel so fucked up right now. I'm sorry that i do but i do. And dont think im not trying to make myself feel better. I really am trying my best.
I actually watched comedies yesterday, jokes just arent jokes anymore.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, fucking irritating sisterrrrrr, I fucking want to kill her.

Oh regrets, go away.

2009-10-07T21:34:00.002+08:00

So,i've been thinking alot. And i regretting alot of things right now... Like not studying. I'm in a different class now taking the same modules and i feel like crying.
I dont know.. I think i need to sleep, like get this off my mind. I'm getting so stressed i want to die.
My fucking phone is still not fucking working. Okay not my phone, fucking starhub. I can receive calls and messages but i cant call nor text. So if i dont reply you now you know the answer. Or maybe i just dnt want to reply you.
Fake, i'm not mean. And i dont do that shit unless like the person is superrrrr lame and superrrrr irritating i wont reply the person like at all.
I have pictures but im way to lazy to post them up.
Yeah, i'm going to sleep it off. I'm really upset with myself right now. I really really really want to die. Like really. I want to jump in front of an approaching train, i want to jump off the highest building, i want to shoot myself. I pretty much want to die.
If someone wanted to do me a favour, I have them all listed here. Push me in front of a train, i dnt care anymore.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Assumptions

2009-09-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

So i just came back from my class chalet. I'm super exhausted, i dont really want to do anything right now. I'm supposed to be sleeping but i feel very deprived of my laptop.
The very first night we did night cycling like from aloha loyang to changi village which is sort of a 50/50 horrible experience and kinda fun. Cycling uphill is not fun. I perspired like a dog and water was available only in drains. When we got to changi village some of the boys went around to find some "girls" which oddly excited them.
Anyway, when we got back i bathed and slept straight away and woke up early to play live counterstrike in the childrens playroom. We like took balls and used them as bullets and shot at each other. Once again i perspired like a pig, played in the water, barbequed, gambled and now i'm back home.
This whole thing is too tiring for me. I'm going to become more of a home person. So perhaps i wouldnt be going out so much.
My handphone silver thingy came off. I think i need a new phoneee.

Happy Birthday Marcus!

2009-09-27T22:57:00.002+08:00

So marcus birthday is today and his chalet took place last night and half of the things we did i dont remember. But i definitely remember how fun it was and me talking cock half the time.
I have to thank my dear afiqah for being the friend i needed and i am proud of her for having self control. Hahaha.
Although, this is something i wouldnt want to do anymore. Its kinda very tiring and kinda painful.
I'm having a horrible headache. I havent had proper sleep and i have to wake up early tomorrow cause i got a class chalet next.
I must say my life is pretty happening right now.
Okay thats about it, I'll post pictures when i do get them.

0.917???

2009-09-25T00:20:00.002+08:00

Ive gotten back my results and I'm prolly 2nd last in class. My GPA is horrible, not to mention i have to repeat like 3 modules. 1 crap module and 2 other pretty important pretty boring modules. I'm starting to hate my life and i want to die. Maybe I should change my course. I've been seriously thinking about it. I mean whats the point if i dont love what i'm doing. And i'm thinking of taking an arts course when i get to uni.
Ive also been thinking about MI. Maybe it would be a better place for me seeing that i have no discipline at all to study on my own.

So working at TCC isnt all that tiring. Its really simple actually except for maybe carrying the heavy plates. I swear the plates weigh more than 5KG. I thought plates are supposed to be light. So working feels like working out, carrying weights. By the end of this month i'll prolly have huge muscles maybe even bigger than arnold swagfbecfdjd. His surname kinda difficult to spell.

I'm off to memorize my menu. Yay! .....-________-

My friend Rosa

2009-09-24T01:40:00.002+08:00

I have missed out one of the september babies that is also important.
Happy belated birthday Rosa. I know i didnt get you a gift but you know i can offer you the gift of friendship. Hahaha, you buy for me topshop wallet i buy for you something worth 50.
Anyways, cheer up man, i know youve been sad because you miss too much, but dnt get carried away with the others. You know what i mean.
Happy birthday man, a post only for you, you know, be touched.

Gang Virgins

2009-09-22T21:58:00.008+08:00

So andreyana came back for hari raya for a few days. So we took time off from our busy busy life to reunite the girls. Hahaha.
We ate at lido talked about things that only we know and caught up with each other.
Afiqah bought new vans shoes and bit it. HAHA. She like bite the shoe and tore it into pieces. But no, theres like a saying that you have to bite your shoe before it bites you. I never try it before but i'll buy new shoes just for that.
Anyway, it was fun, although all we did was sit and talked but i like hanging out. I prefer hanging out than doing anything else. You dont need money but maybe ciggarrettes and food and drinks but it doesnt cost as much as watching a movie or doing some other shit.
I have to admit though i like gossiping. I mean who doesnt right, its the most fun thing you can do. Hahaha. But lets try not to do it so much.
Afiqah tried on an orange toga dress, bite her shoe and paste post-its all over her body and her face. Today i must say, has been the most fun day i had i a long time.
I have picturesss and dont feel lazy to post it. I think i'm cutting down on the piggy attitude.

Dedication

2009-09-21T19:14:00.002+08:00

This is a post specially for my special friends from school who both are september babies.
Happy belated birthday Shannon and Wei Juan!! You guys have been great friends and I dont regret entering Singapore Poly because of you. =DD
I am a sweet friend.. I know. Heheheh

Blue purple red

2009-09-21T14:52:00.004+08:00

So i came back from malaysia yesterday. Spent the morning of raya in Malaysia which is kind of a tradition. I do it every year. The place is like prison. No handphones no computer no going out, tv has like 3 channels which is equal to no tv and i had to stay there for 3 days.
Anyway, the past few days havent been much fun so i dont really have much to update on except forrrrrrrr.... Picturessss. Hahahaha.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ELIZABETH!

Happy Birthday Huda

2009-09-15T23:39:00.007+08:00

Huda's birthday was yesterday but i havent got the chance to blog, so i'm blogging today.
Happy birthday Huda, i hope you enjoyed yesterday. You've been a very good friend and i'm thankful to have you. I love you.
Anyway, we ate at swensens and the bill totaled up to 136. But it was worth it. We left and went to orchard tower, fake, orchard central and hanged out at the roof top. Its a secret place and only cool people know of that place. Although we saw some uncool people up there...
So, sunday was caleb's birthday, monday was huda's, today is imran's, tomorrow is Elizabeth's and lastly shannon's on thurs. So i thought i should stop being friends with september babies cause like it is a lot of money... So like if someone wants to be friends with me i'll ask them first when is their birthday and if their birthday happens to fall on september i'll just tell them we cant be friends then maybe tell them a lie saying i'm going Australia or something.
So today we celebrated Elizabeth's birthday instead of tomorrow cause i'm working tomorrow, i NEED to be there you know, cause everyone wants to be friends with me.. Hahaha. At at Ashtons which was niceee, very fulfilling.
Oh i'm working at tcc now, i finally got a job. And the best thing, i get my pay every 2 weeks. Yay, i'll never be peniless again. And i'm going to stock up my ciggs. Hahahaha.
Okay bye.

less

2009-09-09T22:35:00.006+08:00

So, i didnt sahur this morning. The whole day was a torture, i couldnt even speak properly, i wanted to die. Fake.
Anyway, i havent done much this past few days. I was supposed to go for an interview today but woke up late and decided not to go. So hopefully i wont be too lazy and go for it tomorrow. I really do need a job.
Hari Raya is coming. Too soon i think. Time passes so fast and I didnt even realise it.
Anyway, these are pictures from yesterday. Went out with afiqah dee nisa syahira izni and faizal to break fast. Definitely alot of fun, since nisa and deedee continuously made themselves look like fools, dancing to korean songs, making us laugh all the time. Hahaha, i'd love to do this again someday.
Picturess~

Carnage of the fiery sun

2009-09-06T15:12:00.001+08:00

I'm too lazy nowadays to update my blog. I have pictures and everything but i dont feel like my blog is needed anymore. I'm too busy to have a blog. Hahaha.
Anyway, school's finally out. Though i dont think i deserve to enjoy my holidays. I'm expecting to repeat at least 2 modules. Hopefully i dont have to.
So i watched i love you beth cooper last night. It was real funny and everything, but i think all movies are becoming very draggy to me. When i went back, i was so tired i fell asleep right away.

And my little brother is an asshole. He kicked me at my rear and now my back hurts. It is so excruciating that i'm crying right now. Fuck.

Freedom

2009-09-01T15:03:00.006+08:00

Yay, tomorrow is my last paper. I'm so excited about it, i dont bother even studying. I'll most likely be repeating 2 modules which are microbio and chemical process principles. I dont mind really, i asked for it so..
Anyway, last saturday i watched final destination which is the worst movie everrr. The second would be coming soon. The movie coming soon, not as in the movie is coming soon.
Yesterday i had my maths paper which was effing difficult. I dont know what they think of us, do we look like geniuses. I mean the questions that were asked gave little information and it was impossible to solve.
I missed teachers' day after that. The paper ended at 3. By the time i got there i think the school closed already. So i broke fast with afiqah syarini and khairil instead. Which was fun. We just sat at starbucks and talked cock, which should be my pasttime since i'm so good at it.
I just watched The Dark Knight. It is an amazing movie and everyone should watch it. Heath Ledger was amazing.
Okay, im just gonna post up some old pictures.

Wind

2009-08-26T12:58:00.002+08:00

So i had my very first paper today. It frustrates me that everyone else has already done their exams and i have only just started.
Anyway, the paper today was do-able seeing that i have actually put in effort to study for this module. So if i dont get great marks or at least pass, i will jump down.
Next paper is microbio. I dont expect much. If i do pass i will buy a whole carton of ciggies for myself.
Okay bye, i want to catch up on my sleep since i only had 2 hours last night. I'm feeling like a zombie right now.

Contemplating

2009-08-21T23:21:00.007+08:00

So i went out with afiqah and dee today. Its been way too long since i've met dee. And it really was so good to see deedee. Huda though, didnt come. Hope to see her soon.
Anyway, we explore ion and orchard central which is super big ad super duper high which triggers some of my fears like heights and perhaps triggered a new fear which is longscalatorphobia. Its like long+escalator+phobia, get it?
I decided to cut my hair. I will not contemplate any further cause i WILL change my mind and i will never change my hairstyle and i will look the same for the next 10 years maybe.
The depressing phase has past, so i'm feeling very happy today. Ecstatic i tell you. Though there was one night i had a horrible dream. Though it wasnt a really a dream, just a reminder maybe. THAT was depressing. Really. I do not want to feel that ever again.
Pictures~~

noises

2009-08-17T14:38:00.002+08:00

It rained in the morning. It was such a good day to be sleeping when my neighbour upstairs started drilling into her walls making so much noise making me so aggravated as if she was drilling into my ears.
So i quickly bathed and put on some clothes and went out by myself. These days, i dont really care whether i'm alone or not. Alone time is good.
Anyway, i'm going to go continue reading now. Books are like a drug to me. So addictive, and so quickly, i escape reality.

Disoriented

2009-08-16T23:26:00.003+08:00

So, i have been having horrible body aches due to my illness. I'm having a fever and a flu which makes doing anything a torture. So throughout the day, i've been laying in bed doing nothing but reading my books.
Yesterday i felt even worst. And to make things worst i was out. Beds were out of reach and walking was just painful. Even sitting for too long hurts.
Anyway, i watched where got ghost last night. The movie was supposed to be funny and not scary. It was funny, but somehow even comedies found a way to haunt me. And it wasnt a complete comedy, it was a homedy, horror+comedy, so ive been told.
And i got the worst lashing ever from my mother for always coming home late. So i'm thinking of being a good girl, get back into her good books.
I'm going to sleep now. 4 panadols dont exactly help you keep awake.

With a blink of the eye

2009-08-11T22:52:00.010+08:00

These few days, i've let time pass so easily, burying myself in my story books getting lost, often forgetting reality.
I'm currently reading new moon, since the movie is coming out soon. I get so caught up with all these fictional stories that hours pass with a blink of the eye.
So i finally decided to upload some pictures into my almost dead blog, perhaps add some colour to a black and white picture.
With the semestral exams burdening me, i feel more stressed and occasionally find comfort in my secrets(you know).
Afiqah says my blog is becoming depressing. I think its the books ive been reading. I usually update when i'm at the sad part, so my posts end up being very empty and depressing.
Heres some light.~

Pictures

2009-08-09T15:32:00.003+08:00

I didnt realise how long i havent updated my blog. Its dying slowly without me realising.
Anyway, I feel pretty troubled right now. The images that play in my mind every second, thoughts about every single thing this world has to offer, or not.
I realised that all movies that were made are love stories. Whether it is the love for a person, a country or even an animal. It got me thinking that it is love that keeps us alive and keeps us wanting to live. So keep loving people, and keep livin'.
I feel real emotional these days. Nothing really is causing it but maybe just the thought of me not doing anything much to make this world better. Maybe its time i better myself. Small steps are key to reaching goals that are not written.
Stop coming home late would be my priority right now. The rest would come with it.
While writing all these down, i'm getting ready to go out again. I just came back home and have been out since yesterday.
Maybe stop contradicting myself should be my priority.

dead end

2009-08-01T20:00:00.002+08:00

My blog will soon become pictureless once again, boring and so plainn.

So i'm going out again later to watch a midnight movie. Although i'm super tired i'm being a good friend by not paitao-ing.

Thursday i had fencing which was painful and it when the feeling of unimaginable exhaustion started. To add to that, i went for rock climbing on friday since i didnt climb on wednesday. So i'm pretty much dying by then. Then somebody had to drag me to farrer park to rock climb at 9 am. ON A SATURDAY. Saturday is like the day when i wake up at 2pm and be a pig at home. So i got back at arnd 6plus in the afternoon and now, i'm getting to go out again.

This is exhausting. Semestral exams are coming and my knowledge of chemistry is still at o levels level. Fake, maybe i know a little more.

Oh my ipod has hundreds of movies i tell you. Can become cinema already. Fake again. It has maybe like 11 movies. Still alot right. Its hard work okay downloading and converting the movies. I can grow a beard waiting for it to both download and convert.

I think ive become some kind of ipod geek.

Time

2009-07-30T22:35:00.002+08:00

Days have been long yet its so short. I'm losing bits of pieces of myself without knowing why. This morning, a thought ran through my mind. I was at the train station waiting, and when the train came, it occurred to me how quick death could be if i were to jump in front of the train. Maybe a little pain would be felt, but i'm pretty sure it'll be fast.
Then i realised, these were thoughts of suicide, and while waiting for the train i smiled and asked myself, since when was i suicidal. But, this wasnt the first time. I've thought of suicide a few times already and my grill-ess windows are calling. But then again, i live on the 4th floor, so maybe i'll break a few bones and still live.
Perhaps i'm depress without knowing. But i dont think thats possible.

Forgetting

2009-07-28T19:28:00.010+08:00

I know i havent been updating lately. I've been busy with endless school projects and the long hours spent in school disable me from updating. So when i do go online, its to check my mail, facebook, maybe chat a little and back to the projects.
I miss my friends. Afiqah, huda, didie and especially andreyana, who is so far away. It feels like a lifetime since i've met all of them. I havent talked to huda for i dont know how long. Didie too. But its only temporary, after semestral exams, i'm gonna partayyy. Hahaha.
Anyway, here are dued photos from my birthday and webcam photos from just now.

My birthday

2009-07-21T16:09:00.002+08:00

I'd like to thank my friends, my family, my classmates and everyone else who made me feel like royalty on my birthday. Hahaha, chey, like getting an award.
But really thank you, especially, acap, afiqah, andreyana, deedee and huda. And not forgetting my classmates, yun wei, lian rui and eric for carrying the cake all the way from bukit batok.
There has been too many surprises and i cannot begin to explain how happy i am right now.
So thank you again. All of you mean alot to me, and i feel so thankful, to have known all of you.

Buy it, sell it, find it.

2009-07-19T16:12:00.010+08:00

So yesterday, was my birthday... not. But it felt like my birthday. Hahaha. So on friday, i was with yun wei, hanging out when afiqah messaged me to go out on saturday to surprise Andreyana since shes leaving.
So on saturday, i woke up early, even though i came home at 7 and got ready to go out. Met afiqah and huda in the bus and we left for peninsula to go to pastamania where "the surprise" was to be held at. So then when we got there we went to pastamania, sat there and waited for andreyana and hendri to come. Then Huda, asked me to follow her to the toilet to do what shit all, when it was really a decoy. So when i came back, i saw andreyana and hendri already sitting there. Being the dumbass i that am, i thought we came back too late for their surprise, so when i went back to my sit, there was a cake and everything. Hahaha, shocking it was. Being an extremely sensitive person, i cried. Surprising indeed.
Thank you Afiqah, Huda, Dee and Andreyana. I love all of you. And andreyana, i wish you could stay and maybe spend more time with us, ill miss you.
Thank you again.
Left them and watched harry potter after that. Harry potter was okay i guess. The effects are amazing but it could have been better. Its actually a horrible movie compared to the book.
Pictures~

Can we see things that are not in front of us?

2009-07-13T13:43:00.002+08:00

So i have been stricken by illness this morning and i feel horrible right now. So, i end up being absent from school and now updating my blog since i've got nothing much to do. So my weekends were great. Also, its how i got myself into this dire state.

So on friday, i had rock climbing and after rock climbing, watched movies at the library and after that headed for yun wei's house. Yun wei can be the next mozart. Hahaha. Slept at yun wei's house till maybe around 2 then went home.

Saturday, when i got home, i bathed, watched tv, played the computer a little and got ready to go out again. During weekends, my schedule is pretty tight. Hahaha, feeling feeling very busy only. So then went to town met Evelyn, Marcus and Elizabeth then left for marina square to have dinner. After that went to Henderson waves and had a photoshoot there. Last destination was Arab street to shisha.

Sunday, got home at 9 plus. Slept till maybe 3 then got ready to go out and study.

I realise now why im failing. Hahaha.

I'll upload photos another day. Im way too lazy.

To let go

2009-07-08T21:12:00.002+08:00

Afiqah said i should post about the places i want to pierce.
I want to pierce in the middle of my forehead, through and through my boobs, maybe the middle of my stomach and perhaps my armpits.
Afiqah then asks how am i supposed to shave? Then i said, just shave, we'll look like we have fits.
Talking about fits, Shannon, Syed, Yun Wei and me were talking about fits during breaks. We talked about the different timings we could have fits.
Today, was just full of nonsensible conversations.
By the way right, 12 days from now, on that day, that'll be the best day of your life. Its this someone's birthday, she is the most amazing person on earth.
Wahh, I'm so full of myself. I'm not actually. Really i'm the most kindest most caring person you've ever met. Hahaha, and i continue being full of myself.
One of these days, i'd like to disappear. Maybe do something nice for myself.
But i think i have a fear of being alone.

We've got each other afterall

2009-07-06T23:22:00.006+08:00

So i was late for school today. It the second time throughout my i-dont-know-how-many months in Singapore Poly. Slet at 3 last night. Woke up at 5.30 actually, and unknowingly switched off my alarm clock. So i ended up sleeping all the way till 7 when Wei Juan messaged me. Actually, took my time getting ready. Didnt really care that i was late for class. At 8 when class was starting, i was sitting at the dining table enjoying my milo. I think i'm becoming ignorant. Neglecting my studies. I failed inorganic and organic chemistry. I expecting to fail the rest of the modules. Maybe i'm having to much fun. And having a laptop certainly doesnt help.

Anyway, pictures from saturday's outing~~

Maybe i am

2009-07-05T15:28:00.004+08:00

So, i went out last night with a few friends. Hanged out at starbucks and mcdonalds and talked cock till maybe 12 plus? After that i left for bukit panjang to meet rosa and syahmi. Its been such a long time since i met them. It actually felt good seeing them. Rosa doesnt come individually by the way. She always always comes with syahmi. So i can't exactly say that i met rosa alone cause really, i met syahmi too. Hahaha.
We watched he's just not that into you, and went to al-azhar to eat. Hahaha, made jokes on the way there, switching the radio channel to some random tamil channel. Not being racist, but tamil songs do sound funny.
But all was good. I certainly had a great time.
Got home at 6am though. My little bro woke me up at 9 and he got vulgarities thrown at his face. 3 hours of sleep is definitely not enough. So, i slept till 1, then SOMEBODY, had to call and wake me up. So, now i'm feeling kinda tired, with my make up still on my face. OH and i still got microbio report that i havent even get started on. And i dont feel like doing it.
Pictures... are not with me. So another day then.

~

2009-06-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

Wahhhh, 100 posts already man. I didnt know ive been blogging that long. Amazing aint it.

So anyway, i was walking back home just now after studying and all. As per usual i was listening to my dear ipod, listening to nichkhun oppa, being very engrossed in my music. Very feeling feeling ah. So whenever, i'm walking while listening to music i'll look down, so like people can't see me actually lip syncing to the song. Then right, "DENG!" i hit a lampost. Kanina chaow chi bai. Fucking pain. First thing i did was look around see if anyone saw. Then swear at the lampost then rub my head like it does any good then continue walking home.
Fuck, why is there a lampost in the middle of the pavement? Put at the corner lah fuck.
But then again, dont feeling feeling ah want to become singer.

Dehumanised by the world

2009-06-29T11:33:00.007+08:00

I'm supposed to be studying right now but i'm updating my blog instead. This was taken when we were supposed to go out and study but watched john tucker must die instead.
Anyway, i feeling scared right now cause i know i havent studied enough.
Wish me luck!

blank again

2009-06-26T00:59:00.007+08:00

My mother has been real nice lately, its kinda scaring me. My sister is starting to speak korean. Right now, she'd trying to rap in korean. She can bearly rap in english, she wants to rap in korean. My mother too has been watching too much korean documentaries.

Mother: You know the korean wives are very nice, always do nice things for the husband and all.
Me: Eh? Then you feeling feeling korean wife ah now?
Mother: I am nice what.
Me: Whispers, kepale otak juboh.
Mother: Ape?
Me: You're becoming boring ah ibu. All you talk about is that documentary.
Mother: But its a good documentary.
Me: So what, you document our family also can become good documentary, you dont talk cock.
Mother: Wah, you very daring ah now.
Me: Because you so "nice". Heheh.

Anyway, more pictures from Rp-school-infested-with-H1N1.

I've been feeling out of sorts lately. Lately as in these few hours. Hahaha, i dont feel something for very long. Maybe its something someone said or do. I get very affected very easily though i may not know by whom or what. But it usually last for a short period of time. Partly maybe because i dont want to acknowledge these feelings, so i just forget about it.
I think its a good trait.

11pm

2009-06-23T23:06:00.010+08:00

Sooooo, today i went to Rp to meet Dee. I was supposed to go there with Afiqah and huda but huda couldnt make it the last minute.
When we got there, we like cuci mata nk mampos. Then Dee came down and pick us up to meet her classmate. Rp is such a nice school. I wish Sp was as pretty as Rp. Sp is kinda old... and dying... and not that pretty... but more exciting. We wanted to play pool but the pool tables suddenly dissappeared. I thought we had to play on the floors ya know. Fake. Then we thought of watching movies. The movies didnt dissappear but they were shit movies. Hahaha. So we explore the school. Everywhere looks the same. So it feels like we were walking in circles.
Met afiqah friend after that. Ate at burger king then headed home. Only we didnt go home but hanged at lot 1 rooftop garden. I say hanged as if we killed ourselves there. But no, i mean hang around. Talked about stuffs. I forgot how much i enjoy just sitting somewhere and talking about everything there is possibly to talk about. I'm a talkative person, what can i say.
And comes the long awaited pictures. I decided not to upload the sentosa pictures or the kota kinabalu pictures. There are just too many. And i dont have the luxury of time.
So there~

Busy

2009-06-21T19:31:00.002+08:00

So its been a long time since i actually went online. I'm too lazy to upoad my pictures cause i know it'll take forever. And i'm super exhausted.

So on thursday, i went to sentosa with my classmates. We had like a ton of fun although it was hot as hell. Even the sand was burning. I swear my foot was melting. The tan line on my foot even disappeared which is a good thing though i'm darker now which i dont really like. My face perspires faster than normal. Its like i absorb heat or something.

On friday, i went to watch fencing at the clementi sports complex for a while then went to meet afiqah to smoke. After that met eun and huda also at bp. But it was cut short. Went home and got ready to go out again. Went out at around 9 plus to meet acap and apit at cck interchange to catch the midnight movie at lido. Watched i love you man which is a great movie. Really cool and funny. Got home at around 5 in the morning.

On saturday, which was yesterday, woke up at 1.30. Afiqah came and i bathed and got ready to go out again. The plan was to go to sentosa, but because of certain reasons we changed our minds and went to the cathay and waited for acap for a few hours. We then met marcus and evelyn and we went to marina barrage at like 1 plus in the morning. We went to east coast to eat after that. Went to clarke quay to catch the NR. Headed for acap house and slept there till maybe 4 in the afternoon.

So now i'm at home, all tired. Wanting to upload like a ton of photos which i'll upload soon.
So byeee.

Tired man

2009-06-18T01:40:00.004+08:00

So today, i met afiqah and lepaks at starbucks. Starbucks has become like a second home. And maybe semi circle too. I go there as often as i go home.
Then i got so damn hot and i was like perspiring even though i'm sitting down doing nothing, so we went to afiqah's house. Watched pink panther 2 and laughed my ass off. Hahaha.
Rushed home, got ready. Went to the gym with acap. Then watched csi. Got home at like 12 plus. So now, i'm just updating my blog even though i'm so tired and sleepy and ive got a class outing to sentosa tomorrow which i have to wake up early.
Boo, it doesnt feel like the holidays.

Kota Kinabalu

2009-06-16T01:50:00.002+08:00

I've got a lot of stories and pictures with no me in it but i'll do the pictures later story telling now, before i forget.

So i've been tahan-ing my poops for like the entire 4 days, so when i got back i had like constipation. Like real horrible ones, like the ones that can bleed. But no didnt bleed. Reason for me tahan-ing would be cause the place is effing disgusting. It looks clean and stuff but its not. The whole state is boring. There isn't anything to do. The people there are ...... So i don't like going out. Plus its fucking hot. All i remember in this trip is perspiring like hell. Like, i could collect a bucket of my perspire, maybe drink it back and then get back the water that i've lost.
Although the islands were beautiful. But other than that i felt like i was in jail. I didnt have my phone or laptop for 5 days. 5 DAYS. All i had was my ipod which ran out of battery soon cause i kept watching movies since they weren't playing anything nice on tv.
I missed my home, my friends, school and a little rock climbing soooo veryyy much.

I shall roll around my bed and appreciate my home right now.
I think i might have a flu. SWINEEE, fake.

the world forgot about us.

2009-06-08T23:23:00.002+08:00

To my dear dear girls. Nothing in this world is out of reach.

If we have done bad things let karma devour us, for we still have each other.
If bad things has happen to us, then let karma devour them. And that will be your revenge.
The world may be unfair, but let us remember only the good things. Let us be contented. We have enough, enough to live a good life.

Cheer up my girls. It seems i'm the only happy one, and its breaking my heart to see all you all sad.
I love you.

Today is all we have.

Babies, i want a thousand.

2009-06-08T00:40:00.008+08:00

I want to like make tons of babies. I didnt actually realise how much i like children. I thought i hated them actually. So, throughout my whole life, i was led to believe children are irritating asswipes. But really, children are cute little bunch of creatures.
Anyway, came to help out raziff mother with the engagement thing but i ended up sleeping on the floor of a room after entertaining very hyper-will-never-get-tired children. And the night before i didnt get much sleep. So i was pretty exhausted.
Tomorrow, i'm gonna go out study with some of my classmates.
Nowadays, i'm rarely at home. I think my mother misses me like hell.

Move forward

2009-06-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

So i have been real busy these days with reports and rock climbing and fencing and more reports. So i feel pretty exhausted right now. I feel like falling asleep on the laptop right now but i have to finish up on my report on aspirin.

The weekends are finally here, so are my holidays. But thinking about what i've got to do during the holidays makes me not look forward to it. I've got to study hard since my exams are right after the holidays. I dont want to get a "just pass" kind of score. I want to actually do well. But i know how to talk only, no walking done. Not to mention the fencing and stuff.

I'm just really tired right now and feel like complaining on my blog. I havent been smoking much either. Like 1 a day. I might as well quit. But everytime when i'm on my way home its like natural instinct to take out my ciggies and smoke on the way home. Its like a reflex. My hand would move by itself into the pocket of my bag then take the lighter and light up the ciggeratte and all of a sudden i'm smoking. Maybe i should stop buying then. My hands would be so confused.

2009-06-01T21:03:00.003+08:00

So my weekend was busy plus tiring plus exhausting plus everything you can possibly feel that has somewhat something to do with tiredness.
Friday, went out with Afiqah, Rosa, Syahmi and a few other friends. We went to clarke quay and stayed there overnight. One of the most tired-est nights everrr. Although i have felt more tired but this, at this moment of time is the most tired-est.
So came back home on saturday and DID NOT SLEEP and instead followed my dear mother to my uncle's house to feed some dumbass rabbits. When i got home i just landed on my bed and slept till around 4 i think? Maybe 3. Then went online blah blah blah, met acap. Then took stupid photos. That night did not sleep either, watched leverage instead. On sunday went out with Yun wei and syed to finish up our project which was due today, which we end up presenting on friday.
And i woke up late this morning and was late for school, for the first time.
I got a report to do studying to do and more stuff to do. I dont actually have time to blog but i still do. For my fans, ya know. Hahaha.
Tired as hell now.

2009-05-28T11:05:00.003+08:00

forever, no matter what.

2009-05-24T21:34:00.006+08:00

So i haven't been updating properly, as in with words and stuff. Its mostly like pictures and more pictures with my classmates.

Anyway, this is the first weekend in many weekends, i've stayed at home. Its ass boring but i've go to ya know. Be a good daughter since my father and my sibs are off to new zealand enjoying an air conditioned country while me and my mother have to suffer in this unbearable heat. So, my mother keeps asking me to come home early cause she's lonely, and misses my father and needs to talk about my father.

Amazingly, i dont miss them much. Its much quieter at home without them. If my father was here, he would be sitting in the dining area making lame ass joke that we sometimes are forced to laugh to. My sister would be screaming asking me to clean this and clean that. I swear she's more like a mother than my own mother. My little brother right now would prolly be jumping on to me try to climb me like i'm a tree. So it's nice to be coming home to a peaceful place.

Though, i miss town a little and my weekend activities.
I've got school tomorrow. I got one report to do on aspirin i think and some microbio shit and some plate and filter experiment shit shit. I'm pretty busy these days.